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I am a moron. But everyone knew that already.

....that is all.

It's great when little things make your day

Really. I don't need much. :)

Night night.

UGH life is so frustrating

Better yet, no, I can't blame life - I can only blame myself. Why am I such a WEIRDO? Goodness gracious...I mean, in all seriousness, it's mostly fun to be a weirdo...but not, like...when...it comes to important things. Like my future. And...well, life.

Yes, because that made a lot of sense.

The last few weeks have been a bit cuckoo - and I'm not entirely sure why. Mainly just in my head/mind...but it's starting to disrupt my sleep patterns and concentration. I feel like my anxiety about certain things has miraculously improved to the point that I'm actually, at times, on the verge of doing things I've never done (NO, not REAL daredevilish things; things that *normal* human beings are able to do, but that I never could because...I'm a WEIRDO :D).

This all really came about when I finally revealed something about myself to several people about something I've been feeling for a very long time in hopes that things could possibly progress forward after an entire year of never telling anybody. But now that I've done that, I DO feel more able to take the next step and give in and just blurt out what I've been feeling to...ahem...others. But at the same ..time, the anxiety is still there for fear of ruining things that I don't think I'm willing to ruin. Does any of this make sense? No. But who cares, because no one's reading it. Except for me, five years from now, when I'll still be in the SAME EXACT POSITION because I'll have done nothing with my life annnnnnnd I'll sit and laugh at myself from now.

It's sad when you're asked, "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" And you give an answer that you feel obligated to give because you wouldn't be deemed normal otherwise: "I see myself working in blah blah for blah blah...oh and hopefully married and eventually with children in the years to come." All the while knowing that that's probably BS; not because I don't want it, of course I do, but because well...why would it happen. I'm so sick and tired of this process, even though I've barely been in it; I can't just DO what other people can normally do. Not that I'm some unique being in a league of  my own, but I feel like I desire so much that I have no prospects of obtaining without making huge almost seemingly impossible changes in myself. And how do I do that? Especially when I've made some changes, reached out to people I thought I could count on for support, and not getting that? Then what do I do? I wish I could stop caring so much about what other people think or perceive me as. It would make life a whole lot simpler.

But it's not just that - it's also just being practical. I don't want to ruin friendships over something that may only be one-sided and not reciprocated in any way. Because that would seriously suck. So, masochistic little me will just stay put and not say anything/reveal my feelings to anyone despite being so close to it all. And why? Out of fear. Fear of losing. Fear of starting something new. Fear of being rejected. Fear of being inadequate. Fear of being ostracized. Fear of consequences. FEAR OF EVERYTHING...man. What a shitty feeling.

Sigh, despite that - there has never been a time in my life where I've ever felt more serious about something like this. So serious I just might be crazy enough to forget my fear and just do it. We'll see how that plays out...(probably in a year or two LOL). GAHHHHH

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii guyyyyyyyyy

So obviously, the first real attempt at writing a journal entry I'm making in over a year is ummmmmmmmmmmmm at work. WHAT?! I'm bored, there's no point in trying to sleep because I have serious issues, and ummmmm...well that's about it. SHUT IT.

Okay first off before I start typing what I had intended to write, let me just say what accidentally came out just now, out of my silly perverted and odd fingers: my balls are burning.

Now to clarify that statement...what I MEANT to say was my EYEballs are burning. I SWEAR G-DAMNIT. *shakes her claws at you*
.........what? I meant what I said that time. :l

Wow, I'm delirious aren't I? Hey you know what would be cool? But not really? Sundowning. Cuz even if I wasn't REALLY sundowning, I could just pretend and use that as an excuse to go all crazy. "HEY MAN, it gettin' dark...I SEE DEAD PEOPLE and it's only NINETEEN-SIXTY-FOUR." Mmhmm. I imagine that's how I would act/what I would say.

Sigh, I hate nights. Mainly because umm I like sleeping. ALthough the last few days, I've realized, that's ALL I've really been doing. Since I'm shadowing mostly, I just come to work, sit around for a few hours and then go to bed. And then when I get home, I eat breakfast, watch TV, nap for a few hours, watch more TV, nap for a few more hours and thennnnnnnn come to work. And let me tell you, if I was to do night float, I DON'T MIND BEIN' A SHADOW ALL THE TIME B).

But alas, tonight, I am not a shadow. Hence why I'm still up, not in bed, and writing GOD knows what.

I remember doing night float as an intern at this same time last year...sigh, I was happier then. You know what sucks? I hear certain songs now that remind me of that time, songs that used to make me feel happy and good...and now I just feel all sad inside. So while it was a month that SUCKED last year, it was...well, okay overall. But believe you me, September's night float month SUCKED ASS. AND IT WAS NOT OKAY (i.e. - I was a basketcase *rocks back and forth in the fetal position*).

Hoo doggeh, I'm shhhhhhhhhhleeeeeeeeeepay. And I really should sleep because tomorrow night will be even worse than tonight. I can almost guarantee it (hey isn't that the Men's Warehouse motto or something?...without the "almost" because that would be *PRETTY* shady?). Maybe I should just bring a pillow down here and just rest mah head. I have some serious trauma from this stupid pager...like anytime ANYONE'S pager goes off, I get palpitations. Hmm...maybe I *shouldn't* be a doctor. Or...working in any place with any beeping noises...........but hey, that crosses off my childhood dream of being a cashier :( Life is not fair. *shakes head in dismay*

Wow, cool, LJ has a lot of neat doohickeys up-top now. THINGS SURE HAVE CHANGED SINCE 2002....GOD I'm so effing old. And yet, my life is exactly the same. I'm umm not sure what's worse. =/

OK OK this is too much, I'm yawning like an opiate addict in withDRAWALS YO'. I need to at least rest my head and my burning (eye)balls. So I shall leave with this and only this:.......weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *boogies until she falls asleep*

Reading entries from 11 years ago...

makes me sad. And I'm not sure if it's because of how SAD the entries were in and of themselves or because of how sometimes, I still think/feel the same exact way now, 11 years older.

No, I take that back. I know I've changed in some ways at least and grown up. Because reading certain things...man, I wish I could take my 16 year old self, shake her a little, and then give her a big hug. The thoughts that even entered my head then...WHAT. THE. FUCK. She makes me so sad.

BLAH okay I'm nauseated *fake barfs* good bye...also, why am I still awake? *fake barfs again* LOL ok ok j/k.................mehbeh.

YAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

So I finally finished that Godforsaken computer training for St. Francis...OMG IT MADE ME WANT TO DIE. And yet...not the WORST thing I've ever had to do. Maybe second worst. Next to feeding those man-eating lions...okay, I never did that, but IMAGINE?! That would suh-UCK.

I started lashing out at the program. There would be times when they'd tell you to write things, like in some clinical provider comment box, where you would hypothetically send secret messages to another doctor about the world ending and things like that (that's what *I* got out of it, anyway) - it said to type something like, "This training is great!"...how. stupid. I would never degrade myself to such a level. So instead, I wrote, "this training sucks."...and it accepted it! But of course, then I got paranoid, thinking, "Oh my word, what if there really IS a Peter Wade, M.D., who will be receiving this secret terrible message?"...but that feeling passed eventually. Popped up again a few minutes later, but then it was DEFINITELY gone for GOOD after that...until now. *ominous music plays*

I tried to do that another time, when it was going through how to order immunizations for your patient. And where you had to defer giving them a shot, it said to write in the comment box, "pt has a fever" as a reason for not giving it. I tried to get away with, "pt has gonorrhea" (which, YES, I realize makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but hey, SHUT YOUR FACE), but it reprimanded me and said to type what it originally had said. :( Bastard computer training...taking the fun out of life. 

In ANY case, those wasted hours of my life are finally done (because yes, that was the only time I've ever wasted any time ever...did I say ever?) and now, I shall proceed to meet my doom come next Monday. *rolls back and forth in the fetal position on the ground*

I know, I'm just a big wuss and such and HOLY M.F. MY KEYBOARD IS SQUEAKING. o_O...if it wasn't absolutely impossible, I would think there was a MOUSE IN HERE. With a cube of cheese. Swiss, most probably. Or maybe reg'lar type and he would  have just bitten the holes out of it himself and OMG WHAT AM I SAYING

...mice don't really eat cheese. They were probably given that bad (but mmm mmm scrumptious!) rap by silly cartoons, like Tom of Tom and Jerry and...ummm....that other little Mexican mouse............ehhhhhhhh What's His Face! Yeah, that was his name. And LO AND BEHOLD, I (yes, me, and not the *actual* writer of the article) HAVE SOLVED THIS MYSTERY. Wow..............................what a WASTE OF TIME WHO THE EFF CARES?!?!?! OMG people get PAID to investigate this kind of shit?!?! WTF am *I* doing then?! GOD!!! *storms out of the room*

Okay actually now I'm kind of freaked out because that squeaking occurs even when I'm NOT typing...and I feel a little tingly sensation at the back of my calf and OH MY GOD WHAT IF THE MOUSE IS NIBBLING MY LEG THINKING IT'S A BIG HUNK OF BROWN CHEESE?!?! *completely neglecting the last few minutes worth of typing* Nah, I  just felt the back of my leg. It wasn't a mouse. It was more like nothing. 

Every year, I  keep forgetting A) what happens during Daylights Savings during the fall (yes, yes, I know the whole "FALL BACK" shit - aDERRRRRRR - but I mean in terms of gaining or losing an hour/is this good or bad?) and B) once I figure out what actually happens, that it still sucks because it gets dark real fast. Like now. :( BOOOOOOOOOOOO! AND this is what leads to my annual fall-winter dysphoria. Along with the fact that I always have the shittiest rotations now - surgery 2 years ago, sub-I medicine last year, real medicine now...there's no winning!!! And then when I start to feel really down about it and how the next two months are gonna suck ass, just for that alone, I remember, "Well you know what, it's good that I'm alone." Because if I wasn't, and was in a real relationship with another human being for once (this is all hypothetical speak because the thought of that is just laughable, wouldn't you say?....I don't know who "you" is. :l), then it would really suck to be stuck at work with a horrible schedule and not be able to come home. But ummmm I have no one/nothing to come home to! So it's okay if I work like a madman! Yay!...:l

This led me to the even MORE depressing thought of my current career choice. My mom would always say how psychiatry is a good field ALSO because it leaves you time for a family life, for being a wife/mother/etc etc........................let's see, how many stupid decisions AM I capable of making? God, I'll just inadvertently become a workaholic, which is my biggest nightmare because it would never happen willingly EVER, because I'll be so alone that hey, it would be stupid not to. Ummm am I a pessimistic person? Not per se.............................AHHH! *throws a brick at your face and runs off cackling*

I must do a great job of making it look like I ENJOY being a loner. Maybe even (insert name of random movie-award ceremony/festival that no one gives a crap about)-worthy! If, in an upcoming production, they ever want to go a TOTALLY different route and cast a brown female Phantom, well sign me up! Especially, because, you know, I would have the power to throw little fireballs with my staff...oh wait, damnit, that's only the stage production. HMPH. 

...UH OH, I'm starting to get into one of my serious talks..........and as is the normal procedure that occurs when something like this happens: WARNING! WARNING! ABORT AND SHUTDOWN EFFECTIVE IN 5...4...3...2...1......................................

HEY! Why do gorillas have such big nostrils? Because they have big fingers! HAHAHAHA and toodleoo. 

***TO BE CONTINUED.........not really, I just always wanted to say that, plus I have to take a shower***

WTF is wrong with me?

No, seriously. I've probably attempted to write in here about...7 times since the last entry and then I either just got lazy or irrationally fearful of...things...and then I don't write! Or I do and then I delete it all. Yep, all three sentences. And usually, it's when I'm writing about serious things, which everyone knows, is very rare. And that leads to the question: why do I have serious things to say?.................the world may never know.

Yesterday I started writing about something that started pissing me off and then I felt bad. And then I stopped. Yes, I stopped typing things to no one. Sigh, the trials and tribulations of my life. But really, ummmm I've been really irritable. Lately. A lot. Like...more than usual. LOL normally, I can tell when a certain ahem time is coming up based on how pissy I start getting with people...at least internally. Because, no, I can't use a calendar like a normal human being. But NOW, holy jeebus, it's like 3.5 weeks out of the month!!! I just get very hateful. Okay, that's a strong word...and probably not even a REAL word...ummm...RAGEFUL, yeah that's it. Maybe it's really hypomania. Once again, the world may never kno-okay I'll stop that. I hope Tootsie Pops and Mr. Owl don't sue me for reckless usage of the phrase. *shifts eyes nervously*

Ummm how did I end up here?...NO NO, I don't mean location-wise, I'm not in some fugue state...yet. *puts pinky to lip* (I have no effing clue what I even meant by that, so excuse that) I meant HERE like on this topic...of sorts. LA DEE DAAAAA!! *frolics*

I can't remember the last time I frolicked. And eww, that looks like fro-licked and NO I DO NOT LICK 'FROS NOR WILL I EVER DO SUCH A THING...it's against my religion.

Oh man oh man, do I love heat. I'm surprised this thing still works! I've had it for almost 10 years...when I threw the bag of baby carrots at it and then the bar code/nutrition facts melted onto the metal because it was on at the time of my heinous act. I don't know what people did before portable heaters existed, seriously. Aside from, you know, not giving a shit and getting on with their lives - it is BEYOND ME. *shakes head in amazement*

Okay are these even real words? I'm beginning to doubt myself...they just look odd! Don't they? DON'T THEY??? *shakes fist*

I keep putting all these movies on my Netflix queue and now it's turning into what I do with books - just keep getting 'em and never finishing any. (OMG this is beginning to sound more and more like some sort of...I won't say it. Because then it could possibly-but-not-probably come true!! =/) I wanna watch scary movies damnit but nowadays, things are just getting cuhhhhhhhrappy beyond belief! SHEESH.

In other news - how the eff is it November already? That means I'm almost halfway done with my intern year. Ummm CREEPY. AND that means it's almost been a year (!!!!!!!!) since Neha and I went to Syracuse for our first (messed up) interview!!! HOLLLLLLLAAAAAY MOLLLLLAAAAAAAAY. No really it was a freaky place. FIRST off, they could've passed for "Adults of the Corn"-type people if such a thing could ever exist (wait, was Issac an adult? or a child? or...just a midget? that's so deragotory I'm sorry...kind of.) because they were all so clique-ish and just...creepy (yes, that is a broad term that describes MANY THINGS IN MY LIFE WELL, so just deal with it). And uhhh all of our (HOUR LONG) interviews were mini psychotherapy sessions!!! I mean, cmon, the program director started going into my childhood and things that happened before I even emerged from the womb (like how my parents got together and WHY - WTF, how the eff should I know, mr. crazy man?!?!). Oddities, all of them. Oh and then their freaky ass little guinea pig experiment where we were mayors of some city that was burning to the ground...yes, I could see how that could play a role in my future success as a psychiatrist....o_O......creeps.

Sorry for the tangent. It just...needed to occur.

Hmm what to do now...I was semi-productive today. Did some o' my computer training for St. Francis...which sucks ASS. I had to retake this one stupid test three times...bane of my existence.

Ok I think I'll stop here. Because as Towelie once said, "I have no idea what's goin' on." (and no, I'm not high.)

So tomorrow is...

GONNA BE FRICKIN AWESOOOOOOOOOOMEEEEEEE!!! That is, if terrorists decide not to MESS UP EVERYTHING. That's what I don't get with these threats and shit...WHY, if at all, would they do it on the anniversary? Or even NEAR it? EVERYONE IS EXPECTING IT. Stupid mofos...I mean, I'm essentially talking about NO ONE, but...if there ARE stupid mofos around, then...well...they're it.

ANYWHO, yeah the WT concert is tomorrrrrowwwwww in NYCCCCCCC! And ahem people are trying to convince me not to go. Ummm how about NO? I got these tickets in February! And they'll probably never come back! For years! And...umm yeah, that's the extent of my argument. To the wind.

And also, slight correction: got "THIS TICKET" - since I'm a loser who does everything alone like...well...a loser! :D

Did I ever mention how my mom, like, hates it when I go to the movies by myself? It's just this thing that they've both had since I was a kid...when I'd rather bum around the house rather than go over a friend's house, esp over the summer, they'd get worried and ask me everyday how I was feeling and then at times would CALL a friend up purposely so that I'd at least talk to them. Because they feared I was schizoid or something. Which...........I can understand. LOL but yeah, so anywho, my mom HATES me going to the movies by myself. She's always like, "Oh well...what kind of movie is it?" even though she rarely has ever gone to the movies and will only go if it's like...Disney. So see that, she gets so concerned that she offers to do something she doesn't like. Because I'M A FREAK OF NATURE.

Oh wait, I wrote about my Rango fiasco! Which wasn't really a fiasco, but hey...HEY.

And I suddenly feel nauseated! Wow! Morning sickness? Even though it's night-time? and HEY does that only occur in the morning? Yes. Apparently. OKAY WELL CASE CLOSED. OMG that's scary though, I just read that women who DON'T ever have morning sickness or emesis gravidarum (whoa that brings me back to my OB days!...ugh *shudders violently and well, you knew it was coming, VOMITS*) are more likely to miscarry or deliver a baby with birth defects. Because when they barf, it's meant to be a protective factor for the fetus. To protect them from toxins that the mother ingests. Like a marijuana plant........and thyme. *ominous music plays*

Nah, I'm just joshin', thyme is fine. But....NOT SAGE. *ominous music pla-*OKAY I'll stop that....mmmmmmmaybe. *crickets chirp*

HEY WHO STOLE MY "OMINOUS MUSIC" RECORD??!?! Bastard. I cut you.

Oh so where was I? Who the fuck knows.

that reminds me of the time me and Neha wanted to make like...orange thyme chicken. Or maybe rosemary. Or maybe sage. ONE of those. Anywho, so we went to the grocery store to try and find whatever herb we were looking for...ANNNNNNNNNND had no clue what the hell whatever we were looking for looked like! So we asked some guy that worked there and I think he pretended to know and pointed us in the direction of SOMETHING. And so we bought it...annnnnnnnnnnd went home and looked it up and by golly, IT WASN'T WHATEVER THE HELL THE RECIPE CALLED FOR. But whatevs, we used it anyway. The chicken tasted good! Kind of thick sauce, but ummm...I dunno. end of story.

Wow that was a shitty story. But that's what ya paid for...WITH YOUR NOW DEAD BRAIN CELLS. Ok wtf am I ever talking about??? My nonexistent emesis nongravidarum is getting to me.

I think I'm sleepy...but I'm not sure...my eyes feel heavy...and no, I'm not doped up. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee okay yes I just realized I AM sleepy, so goodnight and farewell and get the hell outta mah store (that's my new saying that I've been saying for the past few months - don't know what it means, or...why it exists, but HEY...get out mah store.)

ELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay so this is about my SIXTH attempt at writing a journal entry ehhhhhhh in the past few months. I think the other ones were kind of serious and in the end, I just said, "Feh." Mmm yeah that was about it.

G-damnit how the eff is it 11:30 already?!?!?! I must do this every entry, huh? Sounds like I need some reality testing...or the ability to know how to read a clock. One or the other. Whatevs. HEY! I miss those big dumb yellow clocks we learned how to tell time on!...actually, I don't think I ever learned from that. Because umm...I dunno. It just happened. As did everything I know now. I.E. - NOT MUCH. And speaking of which OMG THIS IS THE CUTEST THING EVAAAR.Look! Look at his lil haaaaaands! No, not HIS...ew.

So ummm...I kind of haven't been doing anything for the past two days. This is not very good. But you know what? EFF YOU. That's right. I went there. BURRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN sizzle. The sizzle is the sound of your FLESH BEING SEARE-....okay why am I the way that I am. :l *shrugs*

LOL so my dad, being my dad, has these little projects of his that really don't contribute much to anything or serve many purposes...but whatevs, he does 'em anyway. So the other day, when I was in the middle of doing something, he was like, "Come here I want to show you something." And I kept saying no because I'm a bastard LOL and then finally I was like, "UGGGGGGGGGGGH FINe." So then he took me to my room to show me that he hung up my framed medical degree in our surprisingly nice frame given to us by NYCOM (no, EXTREMELY. SURPRISING.) on my wall. And then I really DID feel like a bastard. LOL but honestly, it's hung up in my childhood room! With walls painted light lavender! And tape marks all over the walls surrounding it from all my silly backstreet boys posters from back in the day! It just...doesn't look right. At all. LOL but ah well, whatever makes him happy.

OH which brings me to another fun topic - so yesterday, some old friends (not mine. just thought I'd put that out there.) came over. And this was one of the first times where I felt like I was being inducted into some prestigious club! of old Bengali farts. LMAO the entire time, they were either talking about psychiatric issues (because that's all ANYONE talks about when they come over...*shakes head*), the way different tyes of Indian/Bangladeshi people smell (no, really, and I didn't even start this conversation, I SWEAR), annnnnnnnnd child-rearing practices amongst the Indian community! So they got into this whole discussion about whether or not it's right to be hard on your kids, scold them for not getting that 100 on their exam, punish them for not being first boy in class (LMAO) OR...the opposite of that. And the entire time, I'm just sitting there thinking, "THIS. IS. WEIRD. HELP. ME." Of course I have no idea who I was thinking that at, but hey SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE. But really, the whole thing made me feel like a bastard all over again (yes, I like that word a lot, get over it). Because my dad was going on about how when we were kids, whenever we'd play games, his outlook was to pretend like he didn't know anything and knowingly let us win every time to help us even develop some sort of self worth/esteem. And...that just made me feel real shitty. Because it's true that they both did that. All the time. Not your typical ehhh ahem parents from a certain population of people. And yet...I turned out to be such a weirdo. With an impaired sense of self/confidence (to put it lightly - obviously it's not THAT drastically awful, otherwise I wouldn't even be functioning at this level). But...WTF? Why the eff couldn't I be normal...er? I've told them this in the past and now I realize...what a shitty thing to tell your parents. How crappy must that make them feel - as if maybe they didn't do enough for you for you to actually feel GOOD about yourself? When they clearly DID do that, if not more than enough. God...I'm a horrible person. LOL (<------------ exhibit A)

and what the hell, this turned into a serious post! NO NO NO that wasn't my intent...so I shall refrain from saying anything more. *runs off into the wilderness*...okay I know I say that all the time, and NO, I DON'T know where this wilderness is...maybe Saskatchewan (WOW I probably botched up that spelling...but no, I shan't look it up to rectify my mistake). I wonder how many people live there...and why. LMAO....okay okay...lemme see.............oh wow!!!!!!........I DID spell it right, heh heh heh ooooh yeah B)...ahem anyway, 1,053, 960 people live there as of April 2011!...wow that's like nothing. At all. Might as well not even COUNT them as PEOPLE. Because honestly, when I think of that place, I think of big hairy bigfoot like creatures roaming around there. And OH MY JESUS LORD I just realized why...SASQUATCH. I know, the neurons in my brain are amazing, aren't they? Clearly firing at an extraordinary rate.

MAN OH MAN I'M HONGRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! I haven't been eating normally over the past few days...which is very alarming. Because umm DUH I LOVE FOOD DAMN YOU. AND was PMSing....so....this is quite the opposite....MAYBE I'M PREG-okay just stop that horrendous thought right there. I was telling everyone the other day about that silly lady I saw back when I was doing my ED rotation in February - comes in complaining of abdominal pain for the past few weeks before then, kept saying, "It feels like there's bubbles in there, just bursting! Or like somethin's KICKIN in there. Have you ever had kids? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE?" "No, ma'am." "Well it feels like that!"...............yeah it would, woman, because your HCG WAS POSITIVE!!!!! Told me she didn't have sex since God knows when...lies. So long story short, yeah, she was preggers. FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT. She was going nuts when I told her...because she was like mid-40s, thought she was perimenopausal already (which I thought too based on what she was telling me). The funniest thing: she was like, "OH MAH GAH, you know, last week I went to a friend's baby shower and we played that game where we have guess how long a piece of string would be to fit around her belly, so I just used my own belly as my measurement and I WON!" LMAO...okay I shouldn't laugh, this was like really terrible for her. But hey she ehhhhhh probably gave birth by now! Ye-...yeaaaaaah........*runs off*

Ugh I'm still hungry. And it ain't helpin' starin at my fatty Homer eating donuts icon. Though what kind of donuts are red and pink and purple and such?...probably made of someone's innards.

I think I might try to write in here more often. Because I'm a loser. And have no friends. And have been settling into that "funk" again. Which I spoke about last year! Isn't it nice that I can recycle certain resources because I feel EXACTLY THE SAME multiple times throughout the year? Uhhhhhhhhh that doesn't sound normal. o_O LOL

Anyway, bleh. I'm tired o' this right now.
Well if so.....................................shit.

No, see, last month, something happened...I don't know who got to clickin on WHAT...but ALL OF A SUDDEN my google chrome got all wacky and was being stupid and Neha told me to download this anti-spyware thing annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd apparently I had thousands of spyware thingamabobbers lurking all over mah lappy. Ummm...yeah. So I kept getting rid of em....and they kept coming back....and so I'd do it again...and back and AHHASIHOISDHIOASHD...long story short, THEY WERE TERMINATED...or so I thought...UNTIL NOW!!! *throws acid in your face and runs off*

*comes back* Okay, yes, I now see that that was completely unnecessary and uncalled for. But, well...that's life.

OH so what the hell am I talkin about...OH YEAH! Virus. SO now there's some random window open on google chrome that won't close even when I keep clickin the X a billion times. And that concludes that. ANOTHER MYSTERY SOLVED (noit'snot.). ;) Let's try again.

Shit shit eff shiOH! it worked!! PRAISE THE LORD AND HUZZAH!!!...hmmm...maybe that wasn't something malicious and really WAS a very persistent reminder for a google chrome update...hmmm.........oh well, now we'll nevah know. Or care.

Soooo I went to see Rango today. And it was *kinda* awkward...because I was the only adult there who didn't have a small child with me...so...I *might've* looked like a pedo. =/ At least I'm not a guy. OR AM Iokay I'll cut the crap. ANYWHO, then I thought, "OH WAIT!" Yes. That was my first thought. Because sometimes, people think I'm younger than I really am. Not often. Or at all. But...sometimes. Like the time two years ago when I was carded at the LIBRARY because we were trying to borrow an R-rated movie. LOL LOL made me feel good about mahself...a little weird...but overall good. Or even the other day at work! I was getting the H&P on this elderly lady - so. funny.

Old lady: Wait wait, you're a doctor?
Me: Well no, not ye-
Old lady: GEEZ, did you go to medical school when you were TWELVE?

LOL LOL LOL...funny little lady..........should've said yes. damnit.

So yeah, back to my other point...ummm...yeah, so maybe I didn't look too much like a pedo today because I might've passed for a high school whippersnapper who was playing...*giggles*...HOOKY, OH MY!

What a dumb word, btw. Hooky. Mainly everywhere I look, obviously it means to skip out on school and be truant. But APPARENTLY, according to Urban Dictionary, as I had once before stated is 100% reliable and well-researched, hooky is also a term mainly used in London and Southern England to describe people, items, or situations that are dodgy, crooked, bent, or just plain below-board. Wow! Fascinating. Even better is how they use it in a sentence: "Steer clear, mate. Sounds hooky to me.".....umm LMAO WTF. Why would you even say that? Just talk like a normal human being and be done with it, DAMN YOU!

Oh great, Angel's up now...ugh I swear, if she thinks I'm getting up at 1 am from my bummy ways of watching Netflix well into the night...WELL! She's got another think coming. *shakes fist*

I'm so horrible, I seem so hostile and violent towards my pets. But it's the only way I very rarely get through to them! God!

This feels like one of those sudden moments that I spoke of in my entry before this where I'mma saaaaaaaaaaaaay I don't feel like writin this no' mo'. HO. Yeah k bye.