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So I finally finished that Godforsaken computer training for St. Francis...OMG IT MADE ME WANT TO DIE. And yet...not the WORST thing I've ever had to do. Maybe second worst. Next to feeding those man-eating lions...okay, I never did that, but IMAGINE?! That would suh-UCK.

I started lashing out at the program. There would be times when they'd tell you to write things, like in some clinical provider comment box, where you would hypothetically send secret messages to another doctor about the world ending and things like that (that's what *I* got out of it, anyway) - it said to type something like, "This training is great!"...how. stupid. I would never degrade myself to such a level. So instead, I wrote, "this training sucks."...and it accepted it! But of course, then I got paranoid, thinking, "Oh my word, what if there really IS a Peter Wade, M.D., who will be receiving this secret terrible message?"...but that feeling passed eventually. Popped up again a few minutes later, but then it was DEFINITELY gone for GOOD after that...until now. *ominous music plays*

I tried to do that another time, when it was going through how to order immunizations for your patient. And where you had to defer giving them a shot, it said to write in the comment box, "pt has a fever" as a reason for not giving it. I tried to get away with, "pt has gonorrhea" (which, YES, I realize makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but hey, SHUT YOUR FACE), but it reprimanded me and said to type what it originally had said. :( Bastard computer training...taking the fun out of life. 

In ANY case, those wasted hours of my life are finally done (because yes, that was the only time I've ever wasted any time ever...did I say ever?) and now, I shall proceed to meet my doom come next Monday. *rolls back and forth in the fetal position on the ground*

I know, I'm just a big wuss and such and HOLY M.F. MY KEYBOARD IS SQUEAKING. o_O...if it wasn't absolutely impossible, I would think there was a MOUSE IN HERE. With a cube of cheese. Swiss, most probably. Or maybe reg'lar type and he would  have just bitten the holes out of it himself and OMG WHAT AM I SAYING

...mice don't really eat cheese. They were probably given that bad (but mmm mmm scrumptious!) rap by silly cartoons, like Tom of Tom and Jerry and...ummm....that other little Mexican mouse............ehhhhhhhh What's His Face! Yeah, that was his name. And LO AND BEHOLD, I (yes, me, and not the *actual* writer of the article) HAVE SOLVED THIS MYSTERY. Wow..............................what a WASTE OF TIME WHO THE EFF CARES?!?!?! OMG people get PAID to investigate this kind of shit?!?! WTF am *I* doing then?! GOD!!! *storms out of the room*

Okay actually now I'm kind of freaked out because that squeaking occurs even when I'm NOT typing...and I feel a little tingly sensation at the back of my calf and OH MY GOD WHAT IF THE MOUSE IS NIBBLING MY LEG THINKING IT'S A BIG HUNK OF BROWN CHEESE?!?! *completely neglecting the last few minutes worth of typing* Nah, I  just felt the back of my leg. It wasn't a mouse. It was more like nothing. 

Every year, I  keep forgetting A) what happens during Daylights Savings during the fall (yes, yes, I know the whole "FALL BACK" shit - aDERRRRRRR - but I mean in terms of gaining or losing an hour/is this good or bad?) and B) once I figure out what actually happens, that it still sucks because it gets dark real fast. Like now. :( BOOOOOOOOOOOO! AND this is what leads to my annual fall-winter dysphoria. Along with the fact that I always have the shittiest rotations now - surgery 2 years ago, sub-I medicine last year, real medicine now...there's no winning!!! And then when I start to feel really down about it and how the next two months are gonna suck ass, just for that alone, I remember, "Well you know what, it's good that I'm alone." Because if I wasn't, and was in a real relationship with another human being for once (this is all hypothetical speak because the thought of that is just laughable, wouldn't you say?....I don't know who "you" is. :l), then it would really suck to be stuck at work with a horrible schedule and not be able to come home. But ummmm I have no one/nothing to come home to! So it's okay if I work like a madman! Yay!...:l

This led me to the even MORE depressing thought of my current career choice. My mom would always say how psychiatry is a good field ALSO because it leaves you time for a family life, for being a wife/mother/etc etc........................let's see, how many stupid decisions AM I capable of making? God, I'll just inadvertently become a workaholic, which is my biggest nightmare because it would never happen willingly EVER, because I'll be so alone that hey, it would be stupid not to. Ummm am I a pessimistic person? Not per se.............................AHHH! *throws a brick at your face and runs off cackling*

I must do a great job of making it look like I ENJOY being a loner. Maybe even (insert name of random movie-award ceremony/festival that no one gives a crap about)-worthy! If, in an upcoming production, they ever want to go a TOTALLY different route and cast a brown female Phantom, well sign me up! Especially, because, you know, I would have the power to throw little fireballs with my staff...oh wait, damnit, that's only the stage production. HMPH. 

...UH OH, I'm starting to get into one of my serious talks..........and as is the normal procedure that occurs when something like this happens: WARNING! WARNING! ABORT AND SHUTDOWN EFFECTIVE IN 5...4...3...2...1......................................

HEY! Why do gorillas have such big nostrils? Because they have big fingers! HAHAHAHA and toodleoo. 

***TO BE CONTINUED.........not really, I just always wanted to say that, plus I have to take a shower***


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