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Okay so this is about my SIXTH attempt at writing a journal entry ehhhhhhh in the past few months. I think the other ones were kind of serious and in the end, I just said, "Feh." Mmm yeah that was about it.

G-damnit how the eff is it 11:30 already?!?!?! I must do this every entry, huh? Sounds like I need some reality testing...or the ability to know how to read a clock. One or the other. Whatevs. HEY! I miss those big dumb yellow clocks we learned how to tell time on!...actually, I don't think I ever learned from that. Because umm...I dunno. It just happened. As did everything I know now. I.E. - NOT MUCH. And speaking of which OMG THIS IS THE CUTEST THING EVAAAR.Look! Look at his lil haaaaaands! No, not HIS...ew.

So ummm...I kind of haven't been doing anything for the past two days. This is not very good. But you know what? EFF YOU. That's right. I went there. BURRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN sizzle. The sizzle is the sound of your FLESH BEING SEARE-....okay why am I the way that I am. :l *shrugs*

LOL so my dad, being my dad, has these little projects of his that really don't contribute much to anything or serve many purposes...but whatevs, he does 'em anyway. So the other day, when I was in the middle of doing something, he was like, "Come here I want to show you something." And I kept saying no because I'm a bastard LOL and then finally I was like, "UGGGGGGGGGGGH FINe." So then he took me to my room to show me that he hung up my framed medical degree in our surprisingly nice frame given to us by NYCOM (no, EXTREMELY. SURPRISING.) on my wall. And then I really DID feel like a bastard. LOL but honestly, it's hung up in my childhood room! With walls painted light lavender! And tape marks all over the walls surrounding it from all my silly backstreet boys posters from back in the day! It just...doesn't look right. At all. LOL but ah well, whatever makes him happy.

OH which brings me to another fun topic - so yesterday, some old friends (not mine. just thought I'd put that out there.) came over. And this was one of the first times where I felt like I was being inducted into some prestigious club! of old Bengali farts. LMAO the entire time, they were either talking about psychiatric issues (because that's all ANYONE talks about when they come over...*shakes head*), the way different tyes of Indian/Bangladeshi people smell (no, really, and I didn't even start this conversation, I SWEAR), annnnnnnnnd child-rearing practices amongst the Indian community! So they got into this whole discussion about whether or not it's right to be hard on your kids, scold them for not getting that 100 on their exam, punish them for not being first boy in class (LMAO) OR...the opposite of that. And the entire time, I'm just sitting there thinking, "THIS. IS. WEIRD. HELP. ME." Of course I have no idea who I was thinking that at, but hey SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE. But really, the whole thing made me feel like a bastard all over again (yes, I like that word a lot, get over it). Because my dad was going on about how when we were kids, whenever we'd play games, his outlook was to pretend like he didn't know anything and knowingly let us win every time to help us even develop some sort of self worth/esteem. And...that just made me feel real shitty. Because it's true that they both did that. All the time. Not your typical ehhh ahem parents from a certain population of people. And yet...I turned out to be such a weirdo. With an impaired sense of self/confidence (to put it lightly - obviously it's not THAT drastically awful, otherwise I wouldn't even be functioning at this level). But...WTF? Why the eff couldn't I be normal...er? I've told them this in the past and now I realize...what a shitty thing to tell your parents. How crappy must that make them feel - as if maybe they didn't do enough for you for you to actually feel GOOD about yourself? When they clearly DID do that, if not more than enough. God...I'm a horrible person. LOL (<------------ exhibit A)

and what the hell, this turned into a serious post! NO NO NO that wasn't my intent...so I shall refrain from saying anything more. *runs off into the wilderness*...okay I know I say that all the time, and NO, I DON'T know where this wilderness is...maybe Saskatchewan (WOW I probably botched up that spelling...but no, I shan't look it up to rectify my mistake). I wonder how many people live there...and why. LMAO....okay okay...lemme see.............oh wow!!!!!!........I DID spell it right, heh heh heh ooooh yeah B)...ahem anyway, 1,053, 960 people live there as of April 2011!...wow that's like nothing. At all. Might as well not even COUNT them as PEOPLE. Because honestly, when I think of that place, I think of big hairy bigfoot like creatures roaming around there. And OH MY JESUS LORD I just realized why...SASQUATCH. I know, the neurons in my brain are amazing, aren't they? Clearly firing at an extraordinary rate.

MAN OH MAN I'M HONGRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! I haven't been eating normally over the past few days...which is very alarming. Because umm DUH I LOVE FOOD DAMN YOU. AND was PMSing....so....this is quite the opposite....MAYBE I'M PREG-okay just stop that horrendous thought right there. I was telling everyone the other day about that silly lady I saw back when I was doing my ED rotation in February - comes in complaining of abdominal pain for the past few weeks before then, kept saying, "It feels like there's bubbles in there, just bursting! Or like somethin's KICKIN in there. Have you ever had kids? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE?" "No, ma'am." "Well it feels like that!"...............yeah it would, woman, because your HCG WAS POSITIVE!!!!! Told me she didn't have sex since God knows when...lies. So long story short, yeah, she was preggers. FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT. She was going nuts when I told her...because she was like mid-40s, thought she was perimenopausal already (which I thought too based on what she was telling me). The funniest thing: she was like, "OH MAH GAH, you know, last week I went to a friend's baby shower and we played that game where we have guess how long a piece of string would be to fit around her belly, so I just used my own belly as my measurement and I WON!" LMAO...okay I shouldn't laugh, this was like really terrible for her. But hey she ehhhhhh probably gave birth by now! Ye-...yeaaaaaah........*runs off*

Ugh I'm still hungry. And it ain't helpin' starin at my fatty Homer eating donuts icon. Though what kind of donuts are red and pink and purple and such?...probably made of someone's innards.

I think I might try to write in here more often. Because I'm a loser. And have no friends. And have been settling into that "funk" again. Which I spoke about last year! Isn't it nice that I can recycle certain resources because I feel EXACTLY THE SAME multiple times throughout the year? Uhhhhhhhhh that doesn't sound normal. o_O LOL

Anyway, bleh. I'm tired o' this right now.

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